If i come over, it means nothing
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
