i permit you to call me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
