Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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