I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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