hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
