Just fell off a train. Bad.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
