When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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