I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
