1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
