He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
