just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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