Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
