Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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