Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
