ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
