Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
