im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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