billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is it because I queefed?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
