The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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