Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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