nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
