Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
