i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
