I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
