I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
