Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
tell me about the fingering
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
