So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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