There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
