i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
