found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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