home. puking in laundry basket.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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