How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
