Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
