I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
