I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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