he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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