I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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