I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I fill condoms, not promises.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
