You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
