..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
