Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
