I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
