how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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