I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
