I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
