Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
