can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
