Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
