Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
