They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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