True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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