She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
