i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
